People who learn to drive on Martha’s Vineyard are at a distinct disadvantage when driving anywhere else in the world. Not just Boston or Rome, but even Falmouth can force a first-time off-Island driver to face things he has only read about in the driver’s-ed handbook. Stoplights, for instance. Oh, everyone here knows about them. There was even talk not too long ago of putting one where Barnes Road crosses the Edgartown–Vineyard Haven Road (which provided months of fodder for the Gazette op-ed page) but saner voices prevailed. Now it’s a four-way stop, which Islanders can handle (but some mainlanders evidently can’t).

For drivers used to four-way stops – a genteel way of dealing with an intersection in my opinion – a stoplight doesn’t always register. In fact, after living here for only three years, I find myself completely confused at stoplights when off-Island. It takes me awhile to figure out why nobody is stopping to let me through. At first I figure the problem is just rude mainland drivers. Then it dawns on me that it isn’t a four-way stop. By that time the light has changed, and I sheepishly go on my way.

Another thing an Island driver gets no practice at is going over forty-five mph, which, incidentally, means maximum per hour here on the Island, but not anywhere else. On every other road in the world it means minimum per hour. Or at least I think that’s what it means, because when I drive the speed limit “over there” I am always the last one to get where I want to go.

People whiz by me like I’m standing still. This can be unnerving if you’ve never experienced it before. It can be unnerving even if you have. Not to mention if it’s a tractor trailer that’s doing the whizzing.

I think maybe the driver’s-ed instructors at the regional high school should be given permission to have at least one class in the middle of the night, when they can take the students down Edgartown–Vineyard Haven Road at full speed ahead, so they will know what it feels like. Who knows? Maybe the students would get it out of their systems so they wouldn’t be tempted to speed other times. (My own daughter has paid the traffic piper a couple of times.) I do think speeding is less common here than in other communities, however. Who wants to be embarrassed by a cop who says, “Wait till I see your dad.”
Since there aren’t any highways on the Island, there aren’t any entrance ramps. This is something I still feel inadequate about. Umpteen years ago when I took my driver’s test – a humiliating experience at best, even if you pass – the testers (usually off-duty corrections officers from the local prison) just made you parallel park and do a three-point turn. As long as you didn’t have an accident or speed in a school zone, you passed.

How did this prepare me for driving in the real world? I still think of the Indy 500 when I’m on an entrance ramp and frequently pull a nerve in my neck trying to merge into the traffic. Should I go slow and wait for an enormous space between two cars, or should I go like a bat out of hell and hope they look out for me? This is not something that was covered in the driver’s-ed manual. And what chance do kids who learned how to drive on Martha’s Vineyard have?

One thing they won’t have to worry about off-Island is generous, polite drivers. You know the type. They stop to let you out of Cronig’s parking lot. Or they wave you ahead if you’re both headed for the same parking space. This just doesn’t happen anywhere else that I have ever driven a car. I love it when I’m cruising a parking lot for a space and someone with a gift-shop bag in hand waves and says, “I’m leaving. Follow me.” Where else does anyone even care that you’re looking? The thing is, here on Martha’s Vineyard, if the drivers didn’t care about each other, there would be chaos.

Maybe there should be a requirement for all drivers in the state to come to the Vineyard and drive around for a few days in August in order to get their drivers’ licenses. This would either decrease or increase road rage. I haven’t figured that out yet.